THE GOOD & BAD OF INFATUATION

Infatuated relationships can be intoxicating.  They can last for 18 months to 3 years.  Lots of short term pleasure is all there is sometimes.  A relationship based on infatuation can also be a trip straight to hell that seemed to have no way out.  Time is the only thing that rescues the person from it.  Time gives them the perspective to see the reality of the situation for what it is.  Temporary. 

We have all watched stories where a person finds their supposed soul mate.  The person can no longer sleep or eat without the object of their desire on their mind.  The person is too in love for anything else in their life to exist.

Many people mistake infatuation for love.  It can turn into love.  But most of the time it runs its brief course and everyone moves on.  They rejoin the real world.  Their lives go back to normal.

That does not mean that the participants involved in that brief, intense relationship forget it.  The time is often cherished by those involved as long as it was pleasurable.  Other times those involved are filled with regret and guilt.  The fear of ruining their marriage and family life, if they were married when it happened, forces them to live with the shame of the brief encounter.

Then why risk it?

It is fun and exciting.  But there are other reasons too. 

Many people have no intention of following through or pursuing someone they are infatuated with.  It is their secret that they hide in their minds.  They pull this secret infatuation out when they want to play with it.  Most people do not know their closest friends or family members have a harmless infatuation with someone.   

The truth is infatuation comes at a person hard and fast.  Feelings that come with it are instantaneous.  These charged feelings toward their object of desire are deep and real to them.  So the person thinks.

The facts are these immediate feelings that dominate infatuations are rarely deep.  The feelings are shallow and right below the surface.  What makes them feel deep is they are intense and all-consuming.

These fast, intense feelings people instantly have for another are referred to as Love At First Sight.

Infatuation, however, is more than just feelings.  The immediate admiration and attraction toward that special someone are more than just physical.  The overwhelming lust for that unattainable or inappropriate someone comes with a chemical effect.

The chemical that fuels that lust and powers it into overdrive comes from estrogen and testosterone (sex hormones).  Both play a part during the lust process.  During infatuation, the level of both hormones goes up.  This is when a person becomes aggressive and loses focus on anything not sexually gratifying.  Other chemicals that move the body to a higher state are Norepinephrine and Noradrenaline.  Now the infatuated relationship becomes animalistic.

Lust then changes to attraction.  The brain pumps a mixture of dopamine and oxytocin.  The serotonin level increases.  Dopamine is the hormone responsible for creating feelings of happiness.  Oxytocin is called the bonding chemical.  It helps create a bond between two people.  It is released into the brain—especially during sex.  It makes us feel closer to our lover. 

But the bond that couples create through infatuation is usually fake and fragile.  A real bond takes longer.  That kind of bond mostly happens when two people are in love.  An infatuation can turn into love.  But it is not a common trait.

Infatuation is rarely based on love.  It is based mainly on physical appearance or personality.  And not a person’s complete personality.  It is the part we are infatuated with that we focus on.  The factors that turn us on.      

Then there are the negative, destructive parts that accompany an infatuated relationship.  Infatuation can often feel as if the person does not have a choice for their behavior.  The person is often appeasing the chemical need, not themself.  Their thoughts are irrational.

Infatuation kills self-confidence.  The person thinks the object of their desire is perfect.  So the person tries to make themself perfect.  The illusion consumes them.  Then they put a fake version of themself up for the world to see.  All of it is smoke and mirrors.  Nothing is real.  It eventually makes them miserable.

There are also dangerous parts of infatuation.  Someone you are unaware of is infatuated with you.  That person is dead set on showing you what true love is.  Out of touch with reality, what they are about to do is not based on love.  I could tell you more.  But let’s check out Paul’s story below.

“LET ME LOVE YOU”

Paul watched Jillian walk to her Subaru Crosstrek.  It was light blue.  His Subaru Crosstrek was dark blue.  He only purchased it three days ago.  If he and Jillian were to be a couple, it made sense that they liked the same things.

It was two a.m.  Paul eased his door open.  Jillian was twenty feet from her Crosstrek.  He had counted the steps several times on different days from his vehicle to hers.  He got to her faster in dry weather.  Wet weather slowed him down.    

Jillian was an ER (Emergency Room) Nurse.  She came into work at six in the evening.  She parked in the corner spot of the parking lot each day.  The parking lot was close to full when she arrived.  The space in the corner was open on most days.  And if that one was taken, two or three spaces on that row were open.

Paul had practiced getting to Jillian’s parking space in fifteen seconds from his Crosstrek.  He knew where every dip and bump were in the asphalt.  Once, he tripped while on a practice run to her space.  The spot was noticeable by the shape it gave off.

Jillian pressed her key fob and reached for the handle.  Paul shoved his belly against her, pinning her to her Crosstrek.  His hand with the cloth in it clamped over her mouth and nose before she screamed.  She struggled intensely for five seconds and then went limp.  Even though she was not unconscious, she was out of it enough for him to scoop her up and carry her to the back of his Crosstrek.

Paul stayed in the back with her for two minutes.  He then shut the back and ran around to the driver’s door and hopped in.  He started the engine and drove out of the parking lot. 

The five seconds of resistance she put up was impressive.  Paul loved that she had that much fight in her.  She was strong for weighing one hundred and thirty or thirty-five pounds.  He knew how hard it was to breathe with that cloth over her nose and mouth.  

Paul had held that cloth over his nose and mouth too.  He lasted five seconds before seeing darkness.  He tried it three different times.  Five seconds for each one.

Ten minutes into the drive, Paul heard Jillian moaning.

“It’s okay,” Paul said. 

He was fine talking to her.  He wore an apparatus that changed his voice.  She had never formally met him either.  The chance of her knowing him was near zero.  Where she parked did not pick up figures on the hospital’s security cameras.  Big trees and shrubs were along the edge of that side of the parking lot and obscured views.

Paul heard her kicking the seat.  She was wasting her energy.  Her hands were tied behind her back.  Her ankles were tied together.  Then they were hogtied with a carabiner.  She was also blindfolded.

“Don’t hurt yourself,” Paul said.  “And don’t be scared.  We’re going to spend three days together.  If you don’t find me as attractive and wonderful as I find you, then I’ll let your husband and kids know where to find you.  Not dead.  Alive.  This is a trial relationship.  But you have to do what I say for everything to work out.  So stop kicking the seat.  And don’t try to get away.  Deal?”

She kicked the seat again.


Paul was not upset.  He understood her anxiety.  A strange man picked her up for a date.  They just needed to get to know each other.  She needed to get to know him. 

He had watched her for six months.  It took him that long to build up the courage to approach her.  He saw her every day that he worked at the hospital.  With her busy emergency job and his constant cleaning of the hospital, they just never had time to sit and talk.  They will now.

“I don’t want to be too straightforward,” he said.  “But I love you.”

If you like this story, click on the cover of The Secret Pawn.  This book is not only about a bit of infatuation.  It is a story of what infatuation can make you do.  And then how it can cost you way more than you realized.  Enjoy The Secret Pawn.  Please leave a quick review or simply rate it on Amazon when you finish reading it.

Thanks,

Stephen Wallace     


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